Ho Ho No: Santa is a Bad Role Model!


Ah, Santa Claus, a jolly old man who rides a sleigh and delivers presents. Everyone knows him to be the most well known symbol of Christmas. First news flash: he’s not real. If you didn’t know that already, I’m sorry but not really sorry. However, it is undeniable of the influence a fictional character can have on children worldwide. Second news flash: not all of that influence is necessarily positive.
By just listening to “Santa Claus is Coming to Town,” one can already pick out some things that just aren’t right. The song specifically says, “He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake.” It doesn’t take a genius to notice that that is pretty creepy. According to the song, Santa is watching you at every moment of your life, constantly monitoring your every action. No place is safe or private. In a sense, Santa is a professional stalker who keeps tabs on little children all around the world. Stalking can be defined as the willful and repeated following, watching or harassing of another person. Unlike other crimes, which usually involve one act, stalking is a series of actions that occur over a period of time. That’s exactly what Santa does, and it can get really messed up if you think about it too much.
Santa’s not very big on safety. He’s traveling at likely hundreds of miles per hour in a sleigh with no seat belt with a high chance of falling off. What if the weather was bad and Rudolph couldn’t see where he was going? Vehicle crashes happen every year due to people not following proper safety procedures. When he gets to a house, he jumps out on the usually slippery, slanted, snow topped, roof with a heavy sack and attempts to mosey on over to the chimney. Being old and fat probably doesn’t help either. I can imagine parents’ horrified reactions if they ever saw someone trying to attempt that.
No one wants random people inside their house. That’s the whole reason we have locks on our doors, fences around our property, and sometimes special security systems. But Santa bypasses all of the safeguards and just gets in anyway. On top of that, he takes your food and doesn’t even do the dishes after to clean up. One can argue that they want him to get in and that he is welcome as a guest. However, if he is a guest, he’s a very inconsiderate guest. He comes whenever ​he​ wants, usually in the middle of the night when everyone is trying to sleep. He doesn’t even say hello and he just does what he wants in your house until he finally decides to leave.
It’s obvious that Santa doesn’t have the best diet. Just imagine eating millions of cookies and milk all in one night? I feel sick just thinking about it. That’s most likely the reason why he’s so big and obese. Santa is 5’7” with a weight of 260. These numbers easily puts his BMI in the obese range. One can only hope that he has a better diet during the other eleven months of the year, but even if he makes some kid of effort to eat his veggies, all that is practically negated by a single gluttonous night.
To close, I’d like to end with a quick disclaimer. While these can be seen as real concerns, this is just for fun, if that wasn’t already obvious. I do not mean to completely taint the image of

Santa. I honestly do hope he will continue to be a symbol for generosity and kindness for generations to come. As long as parents teach their children right from wrong, I think it’s perfectly fine to let them enjoy the magic Santa brings to the end of every year, despite some of the darker sides to the story.